And yet another update...

I've debated about whether or not to post again. I know my last post was short and scary, and has worried a lot of people.

I suppose the "good" news is that the fetal pole is developmentally behind, and when I was 7 wks 1 day it was measuring at 6 wks 3 days. That's not great news, but it does explain a slow heartbeat. So it is possible that all could be well. New Hope's research assistant Juany said the doctors are not "overly concerned" at this point in time, because it's still very early and things could change quickly. (Can I just point out how much I love that New Hope didn't call until 12 hours after the ultrasound to give me the "good" news.)

They said sometimes the fetus is developmentally behind and they can't really explain why that happens. It could be based on a late implantation in the uterus. It's true that the heartbeat should still have been higher even for 6 wks 3 days, but it is very difficult to get an accurate reading that early. I know our ultrasound technician had a heck of a time, and I'm not convinced it was entirely accurate.

There is a woman on my online support community who went in for her 6 wk 4 day ultrasound and the heartrate was between 60 and 70. When she went in a week later, it was normal. I want to be like her.

In an effort to create a more supportive environment for me, I asked for a release from New Hope and had a first patient appointment at the OB clinic I want to be at permanently. Juany from New Hope said she didn't think it would be a problem to be released early, as long as they would send my next two ultrasounds to them, but she would have to talk to Matt. I talked to Matt last night and he refuses to release me. He did however agree to talk with this OB clinic and make arrangements for them both to treat me. What I want to have happen is that when I have my next ultrasound, I want to meet with a doctor, IN PERSON, who will go over my results and explain things to me. I don't think this is asking too much. Then it won't matter that New Hope doesn't call me back for 12 hours.

My next ultrasound is scheduled on Monday, now with the new clinic, as long as they agree to a partnership with Matt. (Heavens knows, I wouldn't agree to it!) I know some of you are wondering why I don't just quit New Hope. I asked Matt if I could, and it sounds like there would be no financial repercussions (I was thinking they might send me a bill for the entire IVF cycle). But I signed a contract to finish this study, and so I guess I feel obligated by my good moral character. Blast that good moral character!

Please know I am doing well. I am spending my energy in thinking positive thoughts and ordering this baby to grow. If I don't return your calls or emails, it's not because I don't want to talk to you, it's because I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Thank you for your prayers. Keep them coming, and I will post an update when I find out more.