The Chinese Ending

Well, at least we can have some humor in light of what happened today. Today truly is our typical Chinese ending. I told you this was an epic Chinese saga!

There was no heartbeat today. The gestational sac still measures at 5 weeks and the fetal pole is measuring smaller than what Emory measured it at. Since this was Fayette Clinic's first ultrasound, they want me to wait another week to do a second ultrasound to confirm the baby truly is not growing. I told her I don't want to wait anymore, and asked if I could get an ultrasound at Emory tomorrow since they did my first ultrasound and the two would be comparable. She said that would be fine, and help speed up the process.

Greg said, "Considering how far along we are right now, there should be a heartbeat, right?" She said absolutely, and there's basically no hope the baby is alive. It's over.

I plan to confirm the miscarriage tomorrow with the Emory ultrasound, and then probably do a D&C this week. I want this to be over. My HCG levels are incredible high (22,000) and my body is totally convinced I'm pregnant. I've been nauseous for over a week now, and I can't bear the thought that it's all for nothing.

I have said from the very beginning that there were three options resulting from IVF. 1) pregnancy, 2) pregnancy and miscarriage, and 3) no pregnancy. I was perfectly willing to accept 1 and 3, but prayed that #2 would never happen to me. It has been such a long journey to get here, and it seems especially rotten that I would be given the miracle of pregnancy only to have it taken away.

Don't worry - I have a good therapist and I started an anti-depressant last week. Greg is staying home with me today and is taking care of me. We will be okay, and we will get through this.

I'm not ready to talk to anybody at this point. If you want to check up on me, you can call Greg or Lea.

Thanks for all of your love and support.